Voices screaming in the silence
by Pearlislove
Summary: The world outside of Blue's mind consist of silence. The world inside Blue's mind consist of whispers from a forgotten past Blue is not sure which is hell and which is heaven Sequel to 'Dreams of what we'll never have'


"A gem is born, already knowing what to do. You pop out of the ground, grown and with an since before already decided purpose. Pursue it!"

How many times hadn't Blue, not heard, but read this off her master's lips. The lie that fell as easy of her tongue as tears from a Rose Quartz eyes. The lie that told all the other gems, that fighting and hoping and dreaming was useless and unnecessary.

In her head, Blue corrected this every time. In her dreams, she told Blue Diamond, or blue Topaz, or whoever was saying it at the time that it was wrong and a lie.

"Because if it's not, then what am I?!" She screamed, when she was alone in her chambers and no one could hear her scream. When there was no one but her and the eerie silence that always chased her. Being death, a Rose Quartz had once told her that her condition was called.

That Rose Quartz would have been shattered later, hadn't she been a borrow from the Pink Court, for Blue Diamond had disliked the conclusion.

"Apparently the only thing a defective can bring to life, is another defective." She waved her hand, and the closest Carnelian had punched her in the stomach, as a punishment for something she couldn't help. Afterwards, though, her Diamonds cold hand had come to grace her cheek. "But there's nothing wrong with the aesthetic of you."

That's when Blue, or _my pearl_ , as Blue Diamond called her, realised, that there was something more to her. That she hadn't popped out from a Nacre chamber ready to serve. When the memories of growing up in the hidden started to come back to her, floating into her mind space like ghosts, teasing her with their distracting sounds that made it hard to focus on reading her master's lips and following the motions of her hand.

" _Blue… my little blue"_

The best one, of all the memorised voices that floated in her head, was the one she liked to call 'The mother'. Blue always thought it was _her_ mother, telling her things in a time when she could still hear things. 'The mother' was the one that taught her her name was not 'pearl' or 'my pearl '. It was Blue. Blue wanted nothing more than to meet her mother, but the one time she signed it out with her petite hands, she was almost crushed as punishment.

"I am your owner, your mother, your everything! Never again do I want to hear you speak of such a gem, who you would value over ME!" Blue's Diamond had been furious, bring down her large fist dead center on her gem, all but crushing it in the process.

Blue had never felt such intense pain before, and it was enough to scare her into never asking for 'her mother' ever again. At least not in any gems presence. Sometimes, late at night when she was sitting in her chambers and screaming at herself; she'd ask for her. She'd use actual words, words no other gem could ever know that she knew, and ask for her mother. Ask for her to come and save her from Blue Diamond and making it so that they could be together again.

It never worked

Day out and day in, Blue wished. Day out and day in, she was refused any luck. By day five thousand since she dared to share her wish with Blue Diamond, she gave up. She took her diamonds lesson to heart and did her best to distance her from the wish that would never be fulfilled. It was the best a poor Pearl with memorise not belonging to the life she lived could do.

"There's been an uprising. A Rose Quartz from the Pink court escaped onto the Earth's surface."

From behind her bangs, Blue starred at the Pink Topaz delivering the news. She spoke fast and it was hard to read her lips and decipher the message, but when she did she felt pity set in. The Topaz was new trained, obvious by the way she shrunk under the diamond's intense stare, and Blue figured she'd be lucky if she were to live another day. The relations between Pink and Blue Diamond were strained at best, and she had herself been on the receiving end of her masters furry when the other diamond frustrated her. A Topaz coming all the way here to deliver such useless news wouldn't be spared.

Absentmindedly she rubbed a dark blue bruise hiding just beneath her left boob, trying not to meet the Topaz nervous glances as she awaited for Blue Diamond to answer. She was convinced that if she did, she wouldn't live another day, either, and for all it was worth she would like to keep her worthless life just a little longer.

 _You're a worthless traitor who side with Pink Diamond, when you belong to_ _ **me**_ _, Blue Diamond, and_ _ **my court**_ _. You deserve to be shattered just like your worthless, defective mother who produced you._

She stopped herself as her imagination went too far. She wasn't allowed to think of 'the mother', the voice calling for her every night. She wasn't supposed to have a mother, who whispered comforting promises of a bright future. She was death, anyway, and couldn't hear.

"There's was something more, too" The Topaz had started talking again, and Blue abandoned her forbidden thoughts and forced herself to focus on what was being said. "She had a Pearl with her, a several thousand year old defective that was never shattered."

Blue froze. A defective Pearl, who was never shattered, had escaped with the Rose Quartz onto the Earth's surface, and was currently running wild trying to start a rebellion.

" _Apparently the only thing a defective can produce, is another defective"_

The words echoed in her head, and Blue felt a sudden glimmer of hope spring to life in her heart. Defective Pearls were supposed to be shattered upon production, and the number of them which was spared and allowed to serve was extremely limited. If this Pearl was free enough to help lead a rebellion, than maybe she would have been free enough to...have a daughter? It was ridiculous, practically impossible, but Blue couldn't help but hope.

Her mother always told her to hope.

She had tried so long to ignore the voice calling for her, but she eventually found that she just couldn't. It was so soft and comforting, telling her she was beautiful and perfect in a world where she could never be enough.

The mother was Blue's everything, and at very last, she just might have found her.


End file.
